There’s no denying that if you’ve been living for any amount of time, you’ve had to undergo some kind of challenge or adversity. In life, stuff is bound to happen. The job layoff, the break-up, etc.
I realize that the severity of this may range, so in this instance, I’m talking about
1) when a situation happens to you, and instead of moving on, you dwell on it and complain time and time again
2) because something hasn’t happened for you yet that you feel entitled to, you feel like you’re less effective, productive, or thankful
For the purpose of this post, this is how I define the victim mentality — making excuses! Instead of getting over something and taking it as a learning opportunity, you’re defined by it! The world stops because of your circumstance.
Making excuses blocks you from being productive.
Instead of moving forward, the victim mentality is an immobilizing position.
When you view life through the lens of a victim, you remain stagnant, which prevents you from making progress.
When we put ourselves in an immobilizing position, we’re not growing!
I’ve come to a few realizations when it comes to overcoming the victim mentality, and how to be unstoppable and move forward.
Adversity is a platform to launch you forward, not backward.
A few years ago, I was deeply hurt to find out that some family members that I had so looked up to had spoke negatively of me behind my back. This was someone that I trusted and very much adored. I thought that we were family until I found out that they were making assumptions of who I was or the life that I was living.
This shattered my heart.
It wasn’t even that big of a deal to me until I had learned of the things that they had said about me: that I was spoiled, too flashy, and so forth.
When I was 18, I went on a volunteer trip to teach English at primary schools in Colombia. They thought that I was taking a lavishing vacation for the heck of it. Since then, I decided to not associate myself with people that questioned my integrity or character. I could have let their comments paralyze me, but instead, I felt more motivated than ever to go forth into pursuing my dreams — and no, it wasn’t even to prove them wrong. Because it wasn’t even worth it.
I used their negative comments towards me as a launch pad to propel me into the things that I could have never even imagined myself doing: launching a website, traveling the world alone, and moving to another city.
The things that are supposed to weigh you down, use them as a motivator to launch you onward and upward!
We can’t make a positive contribution if we’re only focusing on the negative.
Whether you realize it or not, you’re influencing by what you bring to the table. Is what you’re contributing good or bad?
The victim mentality prevents us from being the best versions of ourselves. We can’t be the best friend, sister, mother, wife, or girlfriend, when we view ourselves as emotionally or spiritually broken rather than whole.
We’re unable to pour our hearts into the lives of others because when you view yourself as a victim, you give away your best effort and energy towards your own circumstance and not to other people!
If I spend hours and hours on end each day complaining about a particular area of my life, I probably won’t have the time or energy to devote it to other people.
Decide today to make a positive contribution!
You give away your power when you’re defined by your circumstance.
The mind is so powerful in that sometimes it leads us into believing that a situation is more worse off than it actually is.
Instead of owning whatever it is that you went through, you let your circumstance dictate your emotions, your relationships, and the course of your life.
A simple transition in your mentality can create drastic changes in your life physically.
For several years, I went through a very toxic relationship, which had me feeling down and depressed all the time. It had a huge toll on my emotions and self-esteem. As the year was ending, I decided I no longer wanted to live in that kind of misery. On January 1st, I decided then and there that I was going to say “yes” to almost everything. (Think this concept is actually a movie called Yes Man if you want to check it out!)
I decided that I wanted to be proactive about changing my future, so that morning, I drove and bought a popcake maker. Sounds silly, I know! However, in my mind, this was me making a conscious effort towards doing something positive instead of dwelling in my negative energy.
To take this even one step further, I started getting over my fear of socializing and reaching out to people more! This essentially led me into opportunity that got me published in my first magazine at 18!
I decided to reclaim my power instead of letting my circumstances define me.
When we make the conscious decision to own whatever it is that happened to us, it immediately strips the power from that circumstance. It no longer has a hold on you, and a simple act as BUYING A POPCAKE MAKER (like I did haha!) can initiate a domino effect.